When Your Teen Is Struggling: Ways we can Support Your Child’s Mental and Emotional Health
Today’s teenagers are growing in a world that feels quite heavy such that parenting them can be challenging. From the usual academic pressure, to social media presence, global uncertainty, identity exploration, and to the lingering effects of parent-splits, all have shaped the ways teenagers experience the world around them.
As a parent, knowing that your child struggles can be deeply unsettling. Add the knowledge that it is an emotional or mental struggle in which case they hardly can find the right words nor are willing to explain what’s going on inside their bodies? Wheew!
For this reason, a lot of parents ask the same quiet questions: Am I doing enough? Am I missing something? What actually helps?
Weeeelll, while there is not a one-size-fits-it solution, research and experience consistently point to three powerful ways parents can support their teenager’s mental and emotional wellbeing at home.
- Model Emotional Safety
Teenagers learn emotional and mental health safety far more from what we model than from what we say. Even in those emotionally charged up moments when they roll their eyes, appear disengaged, talk back, slam the doors, they are paying attention to cues pointing to how we manage the emotions that well-up from such a tensed atmosphere. When we pause, breathe, or step away instead of reacting explosively, teens learn that emotions don’t have to be frightening or destructive.
What we can do:
- Say it out for them to hear. eg “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, I need a few minutes to calm down.” Ask to take a break instead of escalating. Comit to return later to have the conversation. Return and repair the conversation.
- Name the emotion. Teenagers are far more likely to feel emotionally safe when emotions are acknowledged, not evaluated. So instead of saying, “You’re overreacting. “It’s not that serious”, try“That sounds really disappointing.“I can see why you’re upset.” It doesn’t mean you agree with every reaction — it means you accept the feeling, even if behaviour still needs guidance.
- Model healthy imperfection
Why this is important: Research shows that adolescents develop emotional regulation skills through co-regulation — first borrowing calm from adults before trying it out on themselves. (Morris et al., 2007).
- Prioritise Emotional Safety Over Immediate Problem-Solving
When a teen opens up or shows signs of distress, our instinct as parents is often to fix things. So we talk- offer advice, solutions, or reassurance as quickly as possible which can sometimes shut down emotional connection rather than strengthen it no matter how well-intentioned.
Research shows that one key indicator of emotional safety is the feeling of being heard, accepted, and understood. We need to learn to listen- to the verbal and non-verbal cues. Teens who feel emotionally safe with their parents are more likely to share concerns, regulate emotions, and seek help when they need it.
What we can do:
- Listen without interrupting or correcting.
- Validate the feeling.
- Resist the urge to quickly “make it better”
Simple responses such as “That sounds really hard. I’m glad you told me. I’m here with you.” can soothe better than the pieces of advice.
From experience, many teens don’t want answers right away. They’ll prefer the space to process, and need the reassurance that their emotions are valid. If parents can focus on connection, problem-solving will come later.
Why this is important: Studies in developmental psychology highlight that parental emotional responsiveness supports healthier stress regulation and lowers the risk of anxiety and depression in adolescents (Morris et al., 2007).
3. Create Routines and Set Clear Boundaries
If there is anyone who needs structure on the globe, it is a teenager! Their physiology says so!
Adolescence is a period of intense neurological development. The parts of the brain responsible for emotional regulation and impulse control are still maturing, which means teens often rely on external support to feel grounded and safe.
Research consistently shows that predictable routines and clear, calm boundaries act as stabilising forces for teen mental health.
What we can do:
- Ensure consistent bedtimes and reduced late-night screen use
- Build daily rhythyms of regular meals, school routines, screen and general downtime
Remember, boundaries are most effective when they are explained, not enforced.
Why this is important: Consistent routines and parental monitoring (done respectfully) have been linked to lower rates of depression, anxiety, and risk-taking behaviours in adolescents (Steinberg, 2001; APA, 2020).
When to Seek Additional Support
While parental support is powerful, it’s also important to recognise when extra help is needed. Persistent withdrawal, drastic mood changes, self-harm, or talk of hopelessness are signs that professional support should be sought.
Reaching out for help is not a failure of parenting—it’s a continuation of care! Finally, that your teen is struggling does not necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. Parenting teenagers is a complex, uncertain and highly emotional process. What matters most is showing up with consistency, compassion, and a willingness to keep learning alongside them.
